Blog Relationships

My Journey After Divorce

Going from the person I thought I was supposed to be to enduring a divorce, I had to discover my own being and then attempt to fit into society’s expectations of being single again. I thought I knew what I wanted to be, or better still, what society said you could be after separation: a free, liberated woman! Yeah, girl, the real feminist. You see those TikTok glow-ups of women who leave their husbands, lose weight, and project the “I’m an independent woman, I can do what I like, and no man can stop me” image? That was me, minus the TikTok, back then. It was all over Facebook. Cringe! The positive memes, glamorised photos of my weekends drinking, beach photos showing my healthy new hobbies, travelling, and every date pic in between. I was doing well, so well. “Look at me, everyone, I’m handling this like a pro.” But deep down, I wasn’t! I didn’t know who I was anymore. I committed to marriage and then had to find a new meaning and purpose to my life in singledom. My life before getting married was great! I was a flight attendant with a wonderful friend circle and had just come back from a European adventure. My discernment got clouded by impetuous, life-in-the-moment decision-making. Although I wanted to get married and settle down, it was not with the right person. When we separated, I saw my ex as the entire problem, but I had a sure sign from God before we married that we should not have gotten married. You see, the day I got on the plane to move to Australia, I asked God a question. It was, “God, if I’m not to marry this man, can you please send me a message from a specific person I knew at the time?” I kid you not. The plane landed, I turned on my phone, and within moments, I received a message from that person. I had not heard from this person in six months. God answered my call for help. Did I believe him, though? No, of course, I didn’t. I continued with that wedding and tried pressing every thought around that sign away.

Going back to my modern-day feminist approach to separation, I was getting mixed up in all sorts. This phase of my life lasted until my early thirties. At this time, I had been in one serious relationship since my marriage. I finally thought this person was the one. I was coming out of my anti-man phase and ready to settle back into the monogamous life. The thing is, though, when two broken people get together, or one hasn’t healed completely, it can be a lot of heartbreak. I embraced the adventures our lives took and loved getting to know his family. During this time with my ex-boyfriend, I grew. My career changed, I made plans and goals and finally saw my future as our future. Unfortunately, our futures were going in very different directions, and we ended. This is where my next God encounter occurred. My ex-boyfriend’s family are practising Christians. They had my address and added me to a mailing list to receive a quarterly magazine from their church. Sometimes I flicked through, and sometimes I read it. God was there in those moments. I had not opened my heart to God, but my ex-boyfriend’s family let me know that God’s love is great and can heal all. I am great at distracting myself. The busier I am, the less time I have to consider my meaning and purpose and reflect on spirituality. So after the breakup, I focused on my career and didn’t get involved with anyone seriously. As my firstborn wasn’t with me most weekends, it was easy to fall into the party scene once more, and I found myself getting deep into a dark place spiritually. Being alone was not what I wanted, and neither was the flippant party lifestyle. Then I found myself on dating websites. Yes, I just wanted to be in a secure family unit. I wanted to love, nourish, and look after my family. I was over the filler life and ready for commitment. Now I was searching for someone who saw things the same way I did. Because modern-day feminism is a lie. We can’t have it all. I wanted a man to love, protect me, look after me, and love me the way I will love him. Deep down, I knew I was ready for genuine commitment.

My life does not resemble a fairy tale. My partner did not come along from a dating website where what we both wanted was clear-cut. When we met, it just happened to be that neither of us wanted more children haha well here I am 34 with a toddler, and neither of us were sure about it being a serious relationship until it was. We moulded into each other’s lives and just happened. We didn’t have a whirlwind romance, and we didn’t go on exotic weekends away; it was real-life living and raising children, and we fit together. Did we know each other truly? No, we didn’t! Did he know my battles, and did I know his? No! Did he know I would turn into this woman who talked about God, spirituality, and moral conundrums? No! We got together, the pandemic hit, and reality sunk in. It was tough! We have developed a life together, though. Working together on learning and growing is a vital part of our relationship. We have made mistakes, but we have also worked them out. It’s easier to walk away from difficulty than face it head-on.

Recently, in my difficult situations, I’ve had encounters with God that have opened up my renewed purpose. My meaning in life is to be a wonderful mother to my girls and step-mum to my partner’s kids, be a supportive, loving partner, and embrace God’s plan for me, which this time I’m listening to. As you know, we all have free will and make our own decisions. If God has entered your life, given you clear signs, He’s there, and you’ve not listened like me, then it’s obvious your heart is not open yet. Perhaps you’ll find yourself deep in a cycle of repetition, or maybe things are not going the way you planned. Or perhaps if reading this resonates with you, it’s time to stop pushing Him away. To open your heart, you need to accept your responsibility in any relationship. In acceptance comes love, patience, forgiveness, and wisdom. I’m hoping this time around I will be wise enough to listen and accept his guidance.

 

Sarnia x

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