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Trust The Process

One of my close friends bought my partner a book for Christmas. As I was giving her ideas on what to buy I mentioned self-help, business success stories etc, etc as genres he would like. As an example for her I scrolled through Amazons top 10 and saw a book titled. Winning The War In Your Mind by Craig Groeschel, perfect. Change your thinking, change your life is the phrase underneath the title. Here I am thinking this book is all about positive thinking and would be perfect for my partner who is wanting to constantly evolve his knowledge on growth and positive mindset.

Christmas draws near and my friend informs me of her journey across town to find a copy of this book. I was curious as to why she travelled so far and then the story goes, she ended up in this Christian book shop. This book shop was the only book shop that had it in Brisbane. I said, why on earth is it in a Christian book shop? She then informs me that it’s a religious book. Oh no, I’m thinking my partner is not religious nor into Christian books.This is going to be an interesting unwrapping ceremony. Well, Christmas came and my partner forgot to unwrap a few presents, the book been one of them. He finally unwraps the book and says it is an interesting choice. Me, clearly recognising the fact he can’t relate to his gift. He stowes it away and it never gets a second look. He asks why she bought him such a book. Then I go on to explain it was by chance as it’s listed as Amazon’s top 10 and I suggested it not reading what it was about. Secretly it was Gods way of infiltrating my mind. As if Christmas wasn’t enough!

A few weeks pass, I walk into my partners office and feel drawn to read the book. I’ve struggled with some personal thoughts, thoughts about family life, working, am I enough and my ever-growing hole of unfulfilment with my life.

As I begin reading the book I find myself resonating with the author Craig. I find myself trying to control every aspect of my life, I have lots of intrusive thoughts and self-doubt. Nothing seems to be going the way I want and I’m constantly fighting uphill mind battles with success and failure. Craig talks about these negative thoughts in the book as Satans way to send us off track. Now if you don’t believe in Satan and your not a believer in God think of Satan as the negative pull inside your head. The constant negative lie you believe about yourself and continue to believe, call him the negative energy of the universe. This book is addictive. I wasn’t expecting that. Then at the same time I’m having an awakening. Over the weeks I notice more and more God filled incidences.

I meet a lovely lady from my playgroup who invites Audrey and I over to hers for playdates. I get talking to one of her friends at the International Womens Day morning tea and we fall deep into a spiritual conversation. She invites me along to her church and talks about Gods love more than once. We connected, but perhaps the positive universe aka God brought us together so she could gently remind me that my faith can be restored no matter where I’m at in my journey.

The week draws on and it comes time to pick up my step-son from school. Usually Wednesdays are a struggle for us. I call them adjustment changeover days. Why? Because my step son has to change his behaviour as our house has different rules, routines and expectations. It’s sometimes hard to regulate behaviour when you’re a almost 9-year-old boy and miss your Mum. This Wednesday however he gets into the car and is more chatty then usual. He tells me how excited he is for his assembly the next day and asks me to come along. He then reads me his prayer for assembly and asks to sing me a song. I say sure, why not, let’s practise. We have forty minutes of driving so let’s perfect that song. He searches and searches my Spotify for a song called My God Is A Great Big God, but to no avail. Somehow he stumbles across childrens Bible story podcasts. He starts listening and soon enough our forty minute car ride has concluded. We’ve learned about Saul, King David and Goliath. He then says, I can’t wait till tomorrow. I say why? He says so we can listen to more stories tomorrow on the way to school. We get home and he’s in a great mood, we do all our required chores and tasks without complaint and go off to bed without a hitch. I breathe a sigh of relief and think God hijacked adjustment changeover day surely because things are going way too smoothly.

Trust the process, I say to myself. You must put full trust in it. What process you ask? Gods process. I need to embrace it, just let him lead my life. I need to trust he has me and surrender this uphill battle from within. I am now opening my mind to a new kind of pathway. My partner is going to think I’ve amped up a level on my cuckoo but that’s ok. Accepting that there is deeper power at stake in my life is kind of exciting. Good things have been happening and I’m experiencing a change in my life that will not only bring me inner peace but inner happiness because I’m not going to be searching for that next thing to fill my life with. I’m going to surrender my life and accept my path will be shown and in that path, God will make me succeed. The path of resistance is exhausting so here comes the path of inclusion.To all my friends who think I’ve gone batshit crazy, I assure you I most definitely have gone crazy for this renewed energy I’m feeling with God. It’s the attraction to positive thinking and seeing the beauty in every situation, even the ones that bring adversity. Life is not perfect, but the tranquillity I’ve had in my heart from these small but powerful moments is unmistakably huge. I’m not sure what Gods plan is for me, but this journey will take me wherever needed if I trust the process. 

Sarnia x

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